K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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