Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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