I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
