Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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