jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The air was thick with penises
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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