evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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