we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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