So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
