it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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