I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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