I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
