I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
