The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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