Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
