At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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