every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
