Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
