im six kinds of drunk right now
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
This couple is walking their pig around campus
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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