Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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