Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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