You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
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