I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
