do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
