I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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