i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
