fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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