I'm so fucking centered right now
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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