I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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