i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
