The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
So here I am, sexting at work.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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