If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
this just has baby written all over it
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
