So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
