Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
