If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
