How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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