so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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