I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
