I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
