You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
