and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
