The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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