Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
