I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
