I'm jealous of your bromance
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Everyone says I win the strip club
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
