Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
