she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
