you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
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