Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
