her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I wear drunk well.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
