I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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